Wrangler: Mom what is this word on my juice box?
Michele: The word is ‘questions’.
Wrangler: Not that word, Mom. The one under it.
Michele: ‘Preguntas’… that’s the Spanish word for ‘questions’.  You can learn Spanish while you drink your juice.  Neat, huh?
Wrangler: I guess. Biscuit said it means this juice can make you pregnant!

Who knew?  All this time I thought I was providing 100% juice.  Nothing artificial.  Well… at least there’s no added sugar! 

Speaking of Juicy Juice… I just surfed over to their site after giggling about our little birds and bees conversation (sorta) and noticed that they have several special offers at the moment.

They even HAD a video contest for kids.  Darn! Why didn’t I have the video camera rolling when this conversation happened?

Biscuit: What year was Adam and Eve born?
Wrangler: Who is Adam and Steve?

Today Biscuit was sent home from school because he is now running a fever – the same one I keep thinking I’ve gotten rid of but returns around noon every day for the past week.

As I lay in bed, he creeped in here from his own bed and crawled up on the bed next to me. Very sweetly, he said,

“I love you, Classic Mom”

Not sure if it was just the cuteness factor or because I’m deliriously goofy lately that was making my eyes water, so I asked him what a classic mom is…

Biscuit: It means you are a mom over 30 years old
Classic Mom: Uh what? How’d you come up with that?
Biscuit: I asked Daddy what classic car means the other day and he told me it’s a car older than 30 years old.
Classic Mom: So that makes me “classic”?
Biscuit: Yeah, I know you aren’t really 17, mom. That would make you only 10 when I was born.
Classic Mom: Ugh! (chunks pillow at Biscuit and rolls over)

First, I must compliment Wrangler because he tried a variety of several foods that he has never eaten before and liked most of them. The buffet was packed with several people that had just left church and a family of Mennonites sat next to us. Because I am more of a spiritual person than a religious member, my two younger children have only attended church with my grandmother, and that was quite a while ago so they don’t think quite the same as other “Sunday School” taught children.

As we were finishing our meal and enjoying our “Mommy and Me” time, the waiter returned with the bill and fortune cookies. Fortune cookies were another new experience for Wrangler, so I showed him how to break it and pull the fortune out. I read his fortune to him as he ate his cookie: Your creative imagination will be useful in achieving your goals this week.

So after I explained what his imagination was and how he has an extremely healthy one, he got very serious and said, “Mom, I know who God is”. I swear, I could FEEL every church-goer in the room lean closer to hear this… I calmly ask, “Really? Who is it?” He points to the waiter and says, “That man that speaks Spanish and brought me my fortune! How else could he know about my ‘magination unless he was God?”

Yeah, everyone was speechless. I smiled and said, “Honey, this is a Chinese restaurant and the man speaks Chinese, but I’m not sure he’s God.” To this he answers as if I’m the most ignorant person in the room, “I KNOW he’s God. I’ve seen God before and he has a beard just like the fortune cookie man.”

So there you have it folks. God is a waiter at the Chinese Buffet.

Wranger: Mom, what’s your favorite letter?
Me: I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. Why?
Wrangler: Because if I can find that letter in my candy, I’ll give it you because I love you.

So I’m sitting there trying to hold a straight face while also feeling warm fuzzies because he’s being so sweet about it and showing that he knows his ABC’s. I debate in my mind for a few seconds on if I should say “M”, “W” or throw him for a loop and ask for “Z”.

Me: My favorite letter is “M” for Mom because I love you too, baby.
Wrangler: Wow, Mom… ALL of these candies have “M” on them!
Me: Holy cow, they sure do! Do I get the whole bag now?
Wrangler: (slightly panicked because his sharing idea is quickly backfiring) Why don’t I just give you the ones that are your favorite color?

How could I say no?

Driving from Sonora to Del Rio, I gave the boys a rough overview of Texas, the United States, the Rio Grande River and Mexico. When we arrived in Del Rio, the moment of anticipation was upon us. We found the border, parked my mother’s huge SUV and arranged for a taxi ride. Juan, our driver, agreed to drive us across, let us walk around the shoppes for 30 minutes while he waited, then give us a tour of the city before driving us back over the Rio Grande for $40 US. Not too bad, right?

I have to say, I was immensely impressed with the boys and their interest during this field trip. They noticed so many little differences that I didn’t have to point out. They were polite and tried to incorporate Spanish words they had learned on Dora the Explorer and Diego in their conversation. When it was time to leave and we were stating our business, declaring our purchases and showing our ID to the Border Patrol, the kids clammed up like little criminals! We stated that we wanted the kids to visit before a passport was needed. When the officer looked in the back of taxi van, I thought “Great…” because they were acting so WEIRD and I had the most ridiculous answer in the universe. I casually asked if he needed to see their birth certificates… only because Biscuit could pass as a blonde headed Mexican with his huge brown eyes and dark tan. The officer chuckled and said he assumed they were mine unless they started screaming that they were kidnapped. For a split second I just KNEW Wrangler would try it. So, the field trip was a raving success, of course. The boys bragged about it for days.

One afternoon when we were back home, Biscuit and Wrangler called me out in the back yard. They wanted me to see what they had built. So, I’m looking down in this 5 gallon orange bucket from Home Depot and there’s two mounds of dirt and a puddle of water between them. On one mound of dirt sat a little frog they had captured from the yard. I said, “That’s nice boys. You made the frog a home. Did you find him some dinner, too?” and irritated, Wrangler says, “Mom! Don’t you get it? The frog is sitting in Mexico and when he swims across the Rio Grande River, he’ll be in the United STEAKS!”

When discussing why learning is important and why we learn to read, an interesting discussion surfaced between Biscuit and Wrangler. I had just finished giving the speech that no matter what you want to be when you grow up, you will need to be able to read to perform the job. Truck drivers must read maps and signs. Nurses must read charts, names and medicines. You get the idea…

Biscuit: Well, I don’t need to learn to read to do what I want to do when I grow up.
Wrangler: Why not? Momma said you do have to know how to read.
Biscuit: I’m gonna be a whistle blower when I grow up! I don’t have to read to teach people to whistle!

Frighteningly smart little turd, isn’t he?  Too bad he doesn’t realize that whistleblower isn’t exactly a popular job title when you get older.  LOL

So, naturally when Wrangler brought me a quarter and wanted to know the name of the man on it, I wasn’t even surprised.   After telling him it was George Washington, he informed me that I was wrong:

Wrangler:  No it ain’t Mom!
Michele:  So who is it then?
Wrangler:  I can’t remember his name but that’s not what Biscuit said.  (He then inspects the quarter as if ol’ George might give him a hint while I roll my eyes.)
Wrangler:  Hey Mom, look!  It’s got his phone number under his head.  Why don’t you call him and ask him what his name is? 

As you can imagine, this is my thick headed child.  There’s no convincing him that the number is the date the coin was produced and not the man on the quarter’s phone number.  I had to tell him that George moved because the phone number was no longer valid.  8-|

Michele: So, do you want to be the President of the United States when you grow up?
Biscuit: NO WAY!
Michele: Why not? Everyone wants to be the president when they grow up.
Biscuit: Because, Mom. Presidents get shot.
Michele: Hmmm. Well, only the good ones do. Do you want to be a bad one?
Bisuit: No, I want to be a computer nerd when I grow up!

Haha! I can live with that.