Except, that’s not what I want to talk about right now.

I love my David. I love our life together. I love the new family that we’ve become. Everything that was less than perfect is now merely a minor detail.

When I didn’t think my feelings could be any more intense, reality smacked me upside the head and took my breath away.

I found an enormous lump in my breast yesterday.

I can’t explain the feeling that came over me. I can’t believe how it could be there without my noticing. I can’t believe it is that large over night; it must have been there awhile now. It just can’t be real. And yet, there it was, unmistakable, undeniable.

I called my mom and tried to act casual. There’s something about moms though, they always know when something is wrong. So, finally, when we had talked about everyone else in the family, I just blurted it out.

“I found a lump in my boob this morning, Mom. A really big one…” and I was gasping for air just saying it. Saying it seemed to make it more real and more scary.

She was quiet for a moment.

Then she said, “The first thing on your To Do list tomorrow is to make an appointment. Your father’s mother and grandmother both had breast cancer. It will be OK. It’s probably nothing. Just get it checked”.

And there it was. The Frankenstein cancer word. A thousand images flashed thru my mind. A thousand “what if” questions sprang to life.

I crumpled on the bed, freaked out and text messaged David at work. He assured me that everything would be fine. He told me not to worry. He said everything a man should say when his other half is erratic. When he came home, he calmed me again and held me tight as he stroked my hair.

Then I told him, “I’m not afraid for me. I’m afraid for my boys. I’m afraid for you. Mostly I’m sorry you might have married a broken wife and gotten a really bad deal”.

This morning I was calmer. I made an appointment and will start the process of having my breast examined and scrutinized tomorrow morning.

Tonight we celebrated Biscuit’s ninth birthday one day early. As my mom, step father and grandmother sat in our dining room along with David’s parents, sister and niece… I stood back and soaked in the moment. I may have seemed distant and withdrawn to all of them tonight, but for once, I felt that I was actually IN the room.

Thank you Heavenly Father. Thank you for sending Mr. Lump to me. I’m paying attention. I understand how truly precious each moment is. I appreciate even more how truly blessed and loved I am.

Whether this is the moment my life changes or if this is the moment I’ve made a mountain out of a mole hill, I have received the message.

Like it or lump it. That’s the summary of my life, it seems. I have been “lumping” it. I have been existing. I have not been LIVING.

From this moment on, I have too many tasks unfinished that I must accomplish. I have many souls to seek forgiveness from. I have some to forgive. I have neglected people that I need to shower with attention, affection and love.

I am ready.

Shoezilla Perfection!

The only thing I’ve stressed about is finding THE shoe to compliment the gorgeous dress her daughters made for me to wear to my wedding.

I searched high and low in my town of limited fabric and shoes.

Then we discovered Endless.com with FREE overnight shipping and a gazillion shoes… TWO DAYS before the wedding.  They arrived ONE DAY before the wedding. I wish I were kidding.  The entire 24 hours I had to wait, I worried that they would be yellow.  I don’t know why!

Aren’t they lovely and perfect?  Nearly as pretty as my dress!  I know, I KNOW!  Thank goodness they aren’t yellow!

My sister just text messaged me to wake up.  If she only knew I’ve already been up for 3 hours!  I should really get dressed now.  The “Quiet Family” will surely kill me if I’m late to my own wedding because I’m still blogging!

Tell Me Thursday and it’s MY WEDDING DAY! 

I wish you could all be there to witness this joyous occasion.  I’ll post photos later and maybe even have my oldest son send a pic via Twitter.   You can follow me @chele.

Just in the last few days, my mother discovered we are marrying on a Blue Moon.  We giggled and commented that this is a sign.  My mother says I’ll finally be getting married “once in a blue moon”.

I’ve also strengthened a friendship during the months leading up to my wedding day.  This is also the kind of friendship that is so rare that it only happens, well, once in a blue moon!

You may already know about the wedding dress that my sweet friends Annette, Kathryn and Tara made for my special day (we’ve been blogging about the experience as we go and will be completing the story soon).

I am so very grateful for my special friends and I will never be able to fully express my appreciation for them.  Today I will wear the gorgeous dress and know that they were standing with me in spirit as my maid of honor and maidens of virtue.

Annette and I start chatting on instant messenger and talking about the boob problem we would need to adjust.

There was something said about David being the person that filmed the rough draft fitting video and Kathryn and Tara become worried.

Well, obviously, because it’s BAD LUCK to see the bride in her dress before the wedding! 

I was afraid our lovely maidens of virtue would surely faint on me and then I’d be in serious trouble. And have no wedding dress.

We quickly reassured the girls that it was just the rough draft of the dress that he saw and not the final version. Everything should be fine… right?

RIGHT?!

Sure. Until we tracked the package at USPS.com and noticed this:

• Processed through Sort Facility, December 15, 2009, 8:29 pm, COPPELL, TX 75099
• Missent, December 16, 2009, 9:56 am

Missent? MISSENT?! What does that mean?!

I believe the term “Mail Order Bride” now has a new meaning for me now… it took longer for the mail man to deliver the dress than it took the girls to put it together!

I was dreaming of the rough draft dress coming and being so perfect that I wouldn’t want to return it. By the time it arrived, I was so excited that I had to calm myself before opening it. It WAS gorgeous. It was like my dream. It was going on MY body!

AND THEN… (insert a horrible screeching noise right here)

MY BOOBS SHRANK! Or the girls were kindly TOO generous. Or something. I couldn’t believe my boobs could do this to me!

I tried to take some photos to show the girls what we were dealing with. Then I was afraid my photos would find their way into a porn hall of shame. Hehe! So, we pulled out the Flip camera and made a video to show the girls that I needed a breast reduction!

Then we made another video showing how it should fit.

I had my mother pin the dress where the girls would need to take it  in and make it smaller. Then I popped it back in the mail, paid overnight shipping and crossed my fingers that they could get the changes made and finish the dress in time.

It was time to be BRIDEZILLA!

Chele: “What do you mean it was TOO dark?”
Annette: (stuttering) “I don’t understand what happened…”
Chele: “How hard is it to match a color to another?”
Annette: (sobbing) “I will try again. I will go every fabric store in Illinois tomorrow!”
Chele: “You better FIND THE COLOR tomorrow or you are FIRED!”

Nah… not really! I could never be mean to the Quiet Mom Annette!

We discussed the different colors on the video and the different textures and we mutually agreed on the lovely champagne Shantung with matching lace. It was more elegant anyway!

Annette did worry a bit and she is STILL paranoid that I don’t like it. I have no idea why. It’s not like I’ve ever acted crazy or anything… well OK, maybe I have a few months ago, but that’s not relevant now!

I had Nannie measure me so Annette and my seamstress team could be sure to purchase enough fabric.

I also heard rumors of a practice dress being made and even a camo version of the dress to be sure to keep the attention of my hunting groom! I could hardly wait to see how the project unfolded next!

• I live in a small town so selection is limited.
• I wanted to do this with my mother and she’s a night owl.
• Wal-mart is open late but was only well stocked for making quilts.

So, we make the best of it! In our great selection to choose from, we settled on a costume polyester to make color selections. We were pretty sure that if we got something close enough to make us happy that Annette could find something comparable and most likely far more superior in Chicago.

I took a camera along so that I could have Mom photograph me holding the fabric and I could see how it would look on me. Personally, I think it was the most brilliant thing I’ve done so far in this project!

Pardon the flat hair that totally went to bed as I waited hours for my mom to wake up and meet me to visit Wal-mart…

We liked the champagne (it’s so obviously cocoa, but give me a break, I was in love) color so much that we decided to buy it and ship it to Annette. This is where my eternal jinx came in to play. The fabric was a clearance item because it was damaged. The entire bolt would be needed and the entire bolt was imperfect. We settled for a strip of the fabric to ship to Annette to take shopping at a fabric store in her neck of the woods. Or city.

The next day as I was preparing to mail the fabric scrap, the neighbor sent my youngest boy home with a wedding dress he had found left behind in one of his rent houses. I now had a freebie dress. Which was really cool except…

• Kathryn & Tara were already excited about starting our project.
• I was pretty excited about the wedding dress project.
• The freebie dress was made for a really tall, skinny girl. (At last it pays to be average and frumpy!)

I loved the look of the lace on the dress the neighbor sent over and he said we could do whatever we wanted to do with it. So I popped it in the mail with my fabric scrap to give my little sewing princesses some ideas.

This is where things really start to get interesting! Annette, Kathryn and Tara go shopping to find the fabric. Read about their fabric shopping trip and see the video of the fabric comparison.

After the photo of the wedding date text I shared a few weeks ago for Wordless Wednesday, it’s probably obvious that he loves me. I’m pretty sure.

It’s not that I doubted it really, but it does explain some of my funkiness the past few months. And IT would be…

• The economy tanked.
• Up is down, down is up and now vertical is horizontal.
• Everyone flunked and got an F in managing their checkbooks and credit cards (except me, cuz I was already broke anyway).
• The world is heading to hell in hand basket.
• We freaked out a tad. That sorta thing, ya know?

It’s enough to make anyone panic and second guess THE next step in anything. Gloom and doom and panic and job losses, business is slow, blah, blah, blah — We interrupt this program already in progress to bring you the latest news: the economy is STILL tanking – yadda, yadda, yadda!

• Should we get married?
• Should we wait it out?
• We JUST DIDN’T KNOW.

So we decided (after I told the entire internet and a few people that won’t get up to speed with technology the old fashion way, of course) to put the wedding plans on hold.

Then I got all irritated and decided it was stupid to wait if we truly love each other. There’s a part in most vows where you agree to love each other for better or worse.

HELLO? Can’t we just get worse part over with first?

I ever so sweetly demanded, “Don’t you LOVE ME ENOUGH NOW!?”

And apparently he agreed. So… we were left with a last minute wedding to prepare for.

Yes… I’m GETTING MARRIED! Again! Really.

So far, everything is in place for a simple, private wedding. I hope!

The darling “quiet” family has sponsored (I’m giggling with glee!) my wedding by providing me with a gorgeous dress. You can actually hear Annette tell how she wiggled her family into this situation in the Tell Me Thursday Friendship Test episode.  The dress was sewn by two very talented and lovely daughters, Miss Tara and Miss Kathryn. Quiet Mom Annette provided the shopping and supervision (hehe) and Mr. Quiet even drove the dress to the Post Office in the snow. What a great family!

The rings are ready. The license is ready. I’m pretty sure I’m ready.

Just gotta get the man to the church. I wonder if he’s sorry he taught my boys how to shoot yet?

P.S.
If you participate in Wordless Wednesday, you should join us at Tell Me Thursday to tell the full story behind your photos!

Here’s what’s been going on and the blog smorgas board that is soon to be coming forth:

• Countdown to Get Married!
• Christmas Month, Christmas Week, & Christmas Day – will it EVER end?
• 15 year old young man in the house & thank goodness for birth control
• Thankfulness & Appreciation List
• Did I mention Countdown to Get Married?!

I have tons to say. Every spare second I get from unplanned phone calls, people ringing the door bells, kids fighting & total chaos errupting, I plan to tell you all about it.

Seriously. I’m warning you now.

Oh, and if you’re lucky you might just get to see the wedding dress a few days early!